It’s possible that I’m being consumed by a malicious worm, bit by bit, from the inside out. It’s a species we haven’t yet discovered, or perhaps the first of its kind, gnawing away at my internal organs. I’ll give it a name, a Latin name, so that it all sounds more believable: vermis brutalis. Yes, I like that. That sounds right. It’s possible that vermis brutalis is munching his way up my spinal column, licking his proverbial lips as he ascends toward my grey matter. And I envy this worm. (I’m not ashamed to admit it.) I envy him because he wiles away his days doing what comes naturally — chewing, mostly — and I spend my days in the most unnatural fashion: writing words I won’t get credit for about things I don’t care about for companies I don’t work for all so I can buy an electric lawnmower to cut the yellowing grass on our front lawn. Of course, this is all too cynical. Isn’t it? Is it? The grape hyacinths might be invasive, but at least they’re beautiful. Back to the worm. He works patiently. I receive a LinkedIn notification. Nibble. I track my hours, minutes, and seconds to each task. Nibble. I choose my own misery, make no changes, return for another humorless day. Nibble-nibble. And one day soon (I have it on good authority), vermis brutalis will reach the curved terminus of my spine and burrow into my brain — first the lizardly portions, then the prefrontal cortex, then he’ll chew through my optic nerve and pop out of my pupil. By this point, he will no doubt be rather large, and I can only assume my wife will be mortified when my skin and bones collapse into a heap on the cold floor, and vermis brutalis slithers away, triumphant. But then, at that moment, yes, at that fragile moment, a muscle will twitch, then another, and myocyte by firing myocyte my body will crawl up the stairs, ooze into my office chair, and squint, one-eyed and insane, against the harsh light of my laptop, lured by the appalling possibilities of another work day — and a new worm will begin its terrible dance within. Anyway, I’m not saying it’s happening. I’m just saying it’s possible.
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Holy shit. This is amazing and all too real (unfortunately). May we all one day be free of this worm! Until then, I’ll be sending this to my boss as my reason for calling out “sick.”
Sam Kafka strikes again!!! this one is an all-timer, sir. a complete story in a poem. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽